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Jewel faux pas: A cautionary tale

Chris Neill, Staff Writer

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Looking back on my year of service at the salt-mine known as Jewel-Osco, I took a moment to compile the top 6 things that customers senselessly do to drive us baggers and cashiers absolutely mad. Things that just made our 4-8 hour shifts absolute nightmares. Things that we have heard a million and would rather be hit in the head with a frying pan than hear a millionth and one time. You are the laughing stock of our company, We don’t like you. If you do any of these things, you should probably re-evaluate your effectiveness in the consumer market.

 

15 Items or Less?

I wish I had a dollar for every time I have been asked “Oh are you an express lane?”. If I did, there is a pretty solid chance I would not need to be working this job as I would have far more than enough income to sustain me through college and probably into my early thirties. There are 3 signs that clearly state this and I am still completely dumbfounded that people are too dense to comprehend this. Also if you are coming to my express lane with a $300 basket, just leave. Please.

 

Do You Have The Chip?

No, but we have the dip. If you aren’t aware already, the chip is the newest way of payment using a credit card. it uses a special reader, and since Jewel is stuck in the 90’s, we don’t have it, and probably won’t until 2020 at the earliest. I am asked this question far more than the express lane nonsense even with a card inside the reader that specifically says “chip not available”. But, since human stupidity is supposedly infinite, I have had countless people refuse to comprehend this sign and even go as far as jamming their card into the slot without even acknowledging that there is a card already jammed in the slot, blocking you from using it. Just no, is it really that hard just to slide the card and avoid throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of a grocery store?

 

We Aren’t Wal-Mart

This should be self-explanatory, but sadly it’s not. Please don’t come through my line and complain to me that “Wal-mart is so much cheaper” or “Wal-mart has a bigger selection”. Just don’t. You obviously know this BEFORE you enter the store, and to be honest, Wal-mart customers probably behave better than you too.

 

We’re Not Miracle Workers.

At Jewel, we are trained to cater to any customer request, but please don’t be that one person to abuse this. For example, I was once told “Put everything in one bag, but please don’t make it too heavy”. Now this may not seem like anything too bad, but when you come through my line with a cart full of cans and flour, like this customer did, I seriously hope you are joking.

 

Do You Really Need That Cart?

As a bagger, the thing that pained me the most was taking a load of carts in on a scorching summer’s day, to then see some incompetent member of society take an empty shopping cart all the way to the back of the lot and feel no remorse doing so. Also, is your child really so entitled that he deserves to be paraded to the parking lot by an empty shopping cart? They have perfectly functional legs, use them.

 

It Didn’t Scan? Must Be Free!

Again, I wish I had a dollar for every time I heard this. These remarks aren’t funny, so you can go take your freelance comedy career somewhere else, it’s already enough of a pain when something doesn’t ring up and your salty remark doesn’t help us through that.

 

Bonus Faux Pas

I lied, there are actually 7 things. In some cases, for certain people *cough* our editor-in-chief *cough* exceptions need to be made to showcase the valiant faux pas of these daring individuals.

 

When Evan Tawzer Comes Through.

Seriously, I will not give you reusable bags inside paper bags for your candy bar and Frappuccino, and no I will not make you a WIC-ception. I still miss having you here, it was less faux pas worthy with you. 

 

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3 Comments

3 Responses to “Jewel faux pas: A cautionary tale”

  1. Evan Tawzer on May 10th, 2016 3:34 pm

    This saved my life

    [Reply]

  2. Evan Tawzer on May 10th, 2016 3:35 pm

    Yes

    [Reply]

  3. Evan Tawzer on May 10th, 2016 3:35 pm

    Make Jewel Great Again

    [Reply]

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Jewel faux pas: A cautionary tale